Saturday, 30 April 2011

A Collection of Rudimentary Notes On an Experiment Yet To Be Completed

Notes on a sunny day

A dream of the undead, feasted on by a maternal influence.  An anima, both monstrously caring and destroying. A blade that couldn’t cut.

The end of the world, Tomorrow, Here Today!

I was walking beside the graveyard back home.  The sky, the air was grey.  Heavy.  Mist and wood smoke hung on to the ground.  Bled out from the graves and the metal bars.  A woman walked in front of me.  A girl.  I couldn’t see her face.  I could hear a scream, a woman somewhere in the houses.  It seeped into the sound of children leaving school and whipped around me like the wind from the harsh blocking of estates.  A wind that wasn’t there.  The static, lifeless air of a waking dream.

Thick and distant.  Perfect timing.  The sun’s just gone. Bad luck, ha, ha, ha.  Thick and distant.  But coming.  Silent, screaming terror just on the edges of where ever I look, howling at the blossom hanging onto the near-bare branches.
Wordless ejaculations. 
None of this does it justice.
Variations of better thoughts, put into poor order.
Such as: He
Such as: He was
Such as: He was,
            he was,
            he was sat there with a face like old cigarettes and a fag butt brain soaked in piss and old bleach what vain attempts both feeble in effort and effect to clean up a gutter knowing in a well and good mind that it will be the same again in minutes count them backwards
free too won

SHHHHHH.  Dead you feel that didn’t you? Cock an ear.  Like silent electricity.  A shock that doesn’t hurt.  Your head moving too fast for the thing inside, see?  Remember when this was new, before it went all the way round and became new again?  Not such a shock this time

Physical (corporal)

Met you, what- halfway through your life?  At a guess.  Nothing born but bitter, stunted growths.  I’d like to call them children, for some flowery forced nostalgia, but I don’t think it works like that.  Crab apples.  Why not.  Used as baseballs, beaten with a bat we swore was an old police baton stained with a red mark we all swore was blood.  Malus sylvestris, right in the back of your head.
Gone.  Gone with the stained glass widow, punched through, leaving a hole, a huge scar and a piece of plastic foam board for years and years.  Gone with the dregs of bottles of cheap booze, worries of permanent virginity and fleeting musical and clothing trends.
Gone with the littered bones.  Goat and chicken and abandoned kitten.  Gone like the sense of dignity or care for other people’s opinions once held by the shirtless, wolf-haired pigeon-men of Ruskin Park.
Now, not even a hole to look into.
Funny how we are so prone as to add romance and humour when talking about objects, things and people which no longer exist.  Millions to be made, millions to be spent on such a thing.
But pick an object.  Just one.
An old pair of boots
A faded gig ticket, bleached by sunlight
An old biscuit box, merchandise for a cartoon no longer broadcast
Scars on knuckles that fit patterns on brickwork on wall that doesn't exist.
Old paperwork for things that you don’t even own any more.  Paralysed by a fear that if you throw it away, out goes every memory attached to it.  Or worse yet, hanging on to a bittersweet thought of something that at the time seemed to be so horrific. Silent electricity, back again.  Shock of the old, every few seconds like the distant memory of familiar things.


Citalopram should be used with caution in: the elderly, women who are pregnant, likely to become pregnant or who are breastfeeding children, patients with heart disease or epilepsy, those with poor liver or kidney function, previous or current mental diseases such as mania or psychoses, bleeding disorders (especially bleeding from the gut), increased pressure in the eye (known as narrow-angle glaucoma), or who are undergoing electroconvulsive therapy (ECT).
It should not be used in: patients who are taking a drug called a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAOI) within 14 days or when taking pimozide (taken to treat mental disorders such as schizophrenia), and during the manic phase in patients - such as those with bipolar disorder - who experience this mental symptom.
Warranty Requirements and Limitations:
Proof of Warranty - The customer must provide proof of purchase in order to obtain warranty service. The dated sales slip or copy thereof is the only acceptable proof of purchase.
The product must be purchased from a USA authorized dealerand have a valid serial number. 
Warranty valid only in the USA
Damage resulting from the following causes are excluded from the warranty set forth above:
Misuse, including damage occurring during shipment, damage caused by battery leakage, accident, fire, unauthorized repairs, tampering, cosmetic damage or other types of damage which are the result of improper handling or abuse.
The cleaning of controls or contacts due to exposure to dirty, dusty, or otherwise contaminated environment.
Damage resulting from modification.
Damage to units used for loan or rental.
He can feel the chill of death creeping through His tissues. With one last surge of strength, He once again presses His torn feet against the nail, straightens His legs, takes a deeper breath, and utters His seventh and last cry, “Father, into thy hands I commit my spirit.”


  1. The last paragraph of found text remains ‘invisible’ until you highlight it. I tried to correct it a number of times, but still it remained. Given the content, I found it funny enough to keep. Besides, who am I to argue with a computer?

  2. "Funny how we are so prone as to add romance and humour when talking about objects, things and people which no longer exist. Old paperwork for things that you don’t even own any more. Paralysed by a fear that if you throw it away, out goes every memory attached to it."

    Tom I really enjoyed reading this, there's something about your writing that is so movingly melancholic and unsugar-coated, morbid descriptions of what we can sometimes reluctantly think of but not talk about, you have a true way with words and I look forward to more. It is very in keeping that the last paragraph has to be "uncovered" - Jenny x

    P:S: Citalopram, curious